Just look at how I turned out.

Bach the Wise says she wants the Dept of Education eliminated:

"Because the Constitution does not specifically enumerate nor does it give to the federal government the role and duty to superintend over education that historically has been held by the parents and by local communities and by state governments - Bachmann, Sept 5, 2011, Sen. Jim DeMint's forum.



Clearly, her supporters had no need for an education system either

God officially blames it on the East Coast. West coast off the hook

“I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?’  Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we’ve got to rein in the spending."  Aug 29, 2011 Sarasota, FLA Address

Medicare. It's not Socialism if my Voters are Benefitting from It

The president's plan for senior citizens is Obamacare. We all think for our senior citizens that somehow Medicare is going to go on. And I think very likely -- and I'm speculating -- I think very likely what the president intends is that Medicare will go broke, and then ultimately that answer will be Obamacare for senior citizens.” - Jume 17, 2011


“They don’t want Obamacare; they want Medicare, and that’s why I am committed to making Medicare solvent.” - CNN


Not a gaffe, but a head scratcher.  Medicare functions as a government program (aka "Socialism") while the 2010 health-care law, which Bach Vader labels “Obamacare,” establishes private health-insurance exchanges in which participants can buy insurance (aka "Private Enterprise and Market Competition").  So ObamaCare is the good one right?  Wait no, Medicare is the socialism and Obama is free enterprise. . .but wait, no, I mean, Obama is a Socialist, so ObamaCare naturally. . .danggit, I thought this made sense at the time.


Tea Party folk - you're welcome to help us reduce spending by getting off our medicare system at any time

Dammit. Im One of You, That's What I'm Sayin'

"Well, what I want them to know is just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That's the kind of spirit that I have, too." - Michele Bachmann


err. . .John Wayne, John Wayne Gacy, who's splitting hairs here?  Both guys embodied part of the American spirit, that's what matters.

I. .er. . spla...garf. . bleech...gerk. . . My Brain Just Exploded Trying to Solve this Riddle

“Tax-free zones are meant to be the catalyst to put the final nail in this system to have a state-planned economy.”  - Michele Bachmann

Oh, You Mean "Rich", like as in Billionaire, not Millionaire?

“I don’t know where they’re going to get all this money because we’re running out of rich people in this country.”  - Michele Bachmann


Um, the median price of a house on the San Francisco peninsula alone is like 2 Billion Dollars. An average, 4 BR run of the mill suburban home in LA is $700,000.  I think our rich constituency is fine and healthy. 

Maybe There's an other Nobel Prize - at Her Local County Fair perhaps

“There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design.” - Michele Bachmann

If Beaker on the Muppets Didn't Say It, it Aint Science

Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas. - Michele Bachmann


Bach Vader uses the world's worst search engine apparently.  I found several studies on Google in, like, 5 minutes.

On Barbie's Website's "Must Read" List

Bachsy, for a number of years, highly recommended: Robert E. Lee biography by J. Steven Wilkins


Lucy, this needs some 'splainin':


"[Author ]Wilkins has combined a Christian conservatism with neo-confederate views and developed what is known as the theological war thesis. This is an idea that says the best way to understand the Civil War is to see it in religious terms, and [that] the South was an Orthodox Christian nation attacked by the godless North and that what was really lost after the Civil War was one of the pinnacles of Christian society. This insane view of the Civil War has been successfully injected into some of the Christian home-schooling movement curriculums with the help of [Wilkins]. My guess is this is how she encountered the guy at some point. ... She recommended this book on her website for a number of years. It is an objectively pro-slavery book and one of the most startling things I learned about her in this piece." -- Ryan Lizza, New Yorker Magazine


http://www.npr.org/2011/08/09/139084313/the-books-and-beliefs-shaping-michele-bachmann

Real Christians are Cool in My Book

Bigoted, nonsensical Christians who call crazy fringe Christian philosophers their "intellectual mentors" not so much:

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/08/15/110815fa_fact_lizza

Princeton Review Rates 5 Least Religious Colleges

In other words, Bachsy, you can cross these commies off your campaign stump list, and replace them with "Snowy Patch in Hell":

• Bennington College; 
• Reed College in Oregon; 
• Bard College in New York; 
• Vassar College,New York
• Sarah Lawrence College, New York

http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/08/19/princeton-review-ranks-most-and-least-religious-schools/

Bachs is Only 4% Wrong

"The president released all of the oil from the Strategic Oil Reserve." -- Michele Bachmann, Face The Nation, June 26,2011

Yes, Smurfette, that would be a bad bad thing to do.  But Obama didn't do that.  The president only released 30 million barrels, which is 4% of the Strategic Petroleum Reserve to offset oil disruption caused by unrest in the Middle East.  This is according to the Dept of Energy (no, not the place where Voldemort lives, it's a US Government Department.)

But who's counting.  "All" is all we'll remember, right?

http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2011/jun/27/michele-bachmann/michele-bachmann-says-barack-obama-has-released-al/

Oh, The Places Those Bad Government Handouts Will Go

Bach Vader claims she never received a penny from her family farm that gets federal subsidies.

Willing to bet the family farm on that, Vader?  Your financials say different.

http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2011/jul/01/michele-bachmann/rep-michele-bachmann-says-shes-never-received-penn/

'Splain that Currency Thingy to Me Again

Bach Vader treats the US Constitution like a cocktail napkin, and thinks the Dems are out to replace the good ol greenback with funny money.  Or so she thought they said that

Bachmann introduced a constitutional amendment on March 25,2009 that would prohibit Obama from replacing the US Currency with a Global Currency.  Thirty-one Republicans have co-sponsored it.

This was because in a news release announcing the measure, Bachmann claimed Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner had said he was open to the idea of dropping the dollar.  Geithner never said that however, and anyhow, the discussion was about the Chinese proposing an international reserve currency, not a change to the US Dollar.  Bach's gets an F for accuracy.  In subsequent interviews, Bach Vader seemed to just let it go that she completely misrepresented Geithner and the issue in its entirety.

It's like accusing an innocent man of murder, and then forgetting to apologize when you realize you collared the wrong guy.  Nice values, Vader

http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2009/apr/01/michele-bachmann/defending-dollar-bachmann-distorts-geithners-comme/

Um. This already exists, doesn't it? It's called "military service".

April 2009
Appearing on Minnesota radio station KTLK-AM, the Republican Bachmann expressed her concern that White House was trying to put in place "re-education camps for young people, 


"It's under the guise of -- quote -- volunteerism. But it's not volunteers at all. It's paying people to do work on behalf of government," said the Minnesota Republican. "I believe that there is a very strong chance that we will see that young people will be put into mandatory service. And the real concerns is that there are provisions for what I would call re-education camps for young people, where young people have to go and get trained in a philosophy that the government puts forward and then they have to go to work in some of these politically correct forums."

AutoTune - meet -- AutoFact

Quick idea.  We've seen autotune technology tune Cher, Daft Punk, T-Pain and dozens of hack singers.

Is there something like that for politicians who are fact-deficient?  Pretty awesome app idea.  It detects your "facts" going off course and quickly steps in and interprets your misstatements into verifiable speak.

Illegals, you can't outsmart us

Brainy Bach comes up with a positively smurfy litmus test for smoking out those dang mexicans.

Bachmann on the census issue with Glenn Beck:

You know the question that's not on this survey, Glenn? "Are you a U.S. citizen?" This would be your perfect opportunity to find out how many illegal aliens are in the United States.


Mios Dios.  It was a trick question!  What are you, like Jason Bourne or somethin?  How'd you do that Jedi mind trick?

Sex Clinics in High Schools - Sure Beats Woodshop

Crazy Smurf Bach says abortions are coming to your kid's high school.  And sex clinics, too.  And quesadillas.

Wasn't high school always a sex clinic?  It's just not that fun if the government endorses humping in a Mini behind the football field.  And we all know Michele still has a special place in her heart for that
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/01/bachmann-sex-clinics-will_n_306292.html

OK, Now I Think She's Just Drunk

The nut jar spilled. Check out this wonderful composite of BachTalk crazy.   Dear GOP, please find someone, anyone, who doesn't get their political advice from this guy.
Watch Babs:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9bvreW08X0&feature=related

4 out of 5 scientists love Crest and hate Evolution

BachTalk on Intelligent Design.  Evolution is for Losers.  Lots of scientists agree, according to Medieval Bachmann.  The Tooth Fairy was not available for comment.  Easter bunny responds - "WTF?  That's some crazy sh$%&*t!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Damah0KH-Co&feature=player_embedded

Bachs is Down with the Kids Today - She Knows Elvis

Bachs wishes Elvis a very very Happy Birthday (she may actually think he's still alive).   As is customary, it's just good common folk courtesy to wish someone Happy Birthday -- on the day they died.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/16/michele-bachmanns-elvis-birthday_n_928454.html

The Soviet Threat is Real - I Reminisce for the 80s Too, But. . .

Bachs has outed the Soviet Union.  They're after us.  Red Dawn is approaching.  Why are we wasting time on trivial matters like jobs and climate change.  Kruschev is the frontman for the Van Halen reunion tour!  Castro is secretly pitching for the Mets. Those little Russian dolls are watching us.  They're talking to me.  It's as if there's 8 little KGB spies in them.

http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/bachmann-american-people-are-concerned-about-rise-soviet-union